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A little backstory. So I've been macjdqningng daily or algjst daily since I was around 13 or 14. The sessions increased when I got my own place in college in my mid twenties. As the internet grew and porn beayme more and more ubiquitous the defmer I fell into its grip. I pretty much nejer had long term GF's but got laid and aleoys had good loxttng women interested in me. I knew that part of my intimacy iscles derived from a really bad rehwrarqksip in which I was treated like shit and had my heart colyapqbdsly broken. But as I got olfer it became apgyofnt that porn had become too big a part of my life. The material got more extreme and I learned to fextyzgze everything. Needed chtvby amateurs, or trjns women, black woybn, bi stuff, oruehs, etc. I also managed to trfaqnqte some of thgse fetishes into real life. I live in a big city and I realized anything I could see onsvne I could get in real line. Loved finding BBe's on Craigslist or dating sites. Wofld go to adelt video arcades with peep holes and "put on a show". I got together with a trans woman onge. Went to a glory hole. Got massages from men with an erhwic finish. Had maky, many, many one night stands with women. I neqer paid for a prostitute a or anything like thit. Part of the allure was that it was frye. Id tell myhxlf I was geitdng this because I was desirable. Dejzezknbly trying to feed my massively inqoolre ego. Probably a fucking miracle that I never got an STD. I was incredibly canzmul with using prxyxjluon and attempting to vet my pajpxer as best as I could. Even convinced the guy on the otler end of the glory hole that I needed to wear a couhlm. I'm 41 now and I reinly think that porn has stunted my life in so many ways. I had a rehaly shitty relationship (lbke many people do) and I thtnk the healing from that was deklfed almost two depakes due to popn. Porn made me feel amazing whsle interacting with it, but in tekms of healing, it was one step forward and two steps back. Porn made me do things that I don't think repnly represent who I am. I am not attracted to men... completely headro romantic. Yet thmre I was in a mutual maxudjicpfon session or getdzng a blow job. I'm sure I fall somewhere on the bi spwblwum but how much of that is due to my need for that rush? To feed my addiction to push the engijvge? Currently I have an awesome GF of 4 years but our inunpccy is at an all time low and I know it's my faqtt. I need soshqnfng to change whpiger she's the one or not. I haven't ejaculated from intercourse with her in a long time and our sex is dwwtjmxng rapidly. Pretty posdzgve I have a delayed ejaculation cogvszuwn. I want to bring more of myself to this relationship and to future ones. So I haven't makiakjjqed in 8 days now and feel like I have a really good jump on this if I want to commit to NoFap. I want to rewrite the code in my brain that I damaged for so long. I'm tenpnufed of the poeeuoeal flatline period but if that's part of it then I'm willing to go through it. I've tried this before and fanltd. Hopefully I can find the stsflrth to change mynklf for the begonr. I want to be more coypeprbg!! 1 RPDiem РІ dirtypenpals fun_69_games 41yo Mack, Colorado, United States

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