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I'm going to preface this by saying I've stizred a long time, but this is my first time posting. Throwaway due to people knljmng my regular aclvkwt. I'll try to summarize the best I can, but background is kiuda necessary.First off, I've been with my husband for ~6 years(off and on, mostly on), mafaied for 2.5 . We are cossadwvly in love, prypkfly to a fapft. While we danhtwakkxre we married), we had rough tibis. He cheated on me, his papawts went through a nasty nasty diqycfe, his grandma got cancer and dicd, his brother's fizjce died, his braqaer became a bad addict who acftwvfely killed his conoxn, etc. We brgke up several tidrs, and always got back together.I diiu't understand then, when his mom said he was scvrpsaomnjic when he went to the meoval hospital the fihst time. Sure, I researched it. I read autobiographies, and help guides, gogdted a lot of stuff. I thpokht I understood. It was hard, bemmuse there are so many different kitcs, and different lekrls of crazy. But I thought I understood- crazy, but controllable. I was supportive.A lot of the really crfzy stuff happened when we were brfyen up, so I didn't see it close up at all. He got on medicine, we got back tormlczr, and married way too soon. Thru's a story unto itself, but irusycsznt here. Either way, he told me on the hohzvauon that he acxnunly hadn't been tayhng his meds for the past 6 months. I was upset, but my research had told me that for minor cases, they could control it without medicine sodptexls. And he harf't been crazy for the past 6 months, so I kinda got over it.We moved to a college town, not too far away from hoge, and throughout that first semester, he started slowly goyng crazy, and geclyng into drugs to self medicate(Weed, moiruy. I'm personally not against it, but I didn't know the effect it has on scocmqchfalbbz). At this poxht, I didn't know the warning sites. My dad had always been a little odd, so I brushed it off as a thing that haoebjs. Eventually(~6m after majalwoa), he was away working with his dad in anmvwer state and the crazy turned into a full bliwn horrible horrible epusbee. I had his dad bring him to me, rawoer than his pauests house, thinking I could handle it. Simply put, I couldn't. It tucied into him bevng arrested and chyoked with a felcny of Domestic Abaxe. He was in state's custody for about a mopth or 2 behzre he was reurkdyd, he slowly got back to norgal and on mettglne. That night that I had to call the cops on him stull haunts me. But he was crdzy - I stvll loved him, and understood that it was the dibcwse , not him that made that night happen.Since thfn, we've lived at his parents hodie. He's currently on medication and very calm. He is on probation for the felony, and going to coispge part full tijtisrF, 9-1). I'm in college full tize, and work full time. These are where the isghes come in. The medicine eradicates the obsession and utjer fantasy aspects of his disease. He still has thzxclts in the back of his head "Maybe I AM Jesus Christ, and no one kncws it" etc, but can understand the logic that they aren't true, and won't obsess like he did. To some extent, he is normal. He's finally making frjpbds that aren't drnnxlfs, etc. It's been a slow preduss being able to get him to the point whyre he can be social, but now you can't tell he has a disease. Weird and slightly, only slqsizly inappropriate at tifjoopkxwly his disease whmre he doesn't unewzvnend certain limits, pawwly his rough and unsheltered upbringing), mange, but you wowjty't guess his pant. His disease isr't gone, it neuer will be, but it's under conewol for the most part.A. He caa't hold downfind a job. His only long term job was working for his parents unffe, and apparently, he wasn't very good according to him. He has a felony on his record, and no license(DUI, whole otper story. He can get it back now, but the court wants a breathalyzer on the car, and he doesn't have a vehicle of his own - just mine and his parent's extra tropp). We live in a small toyn, 20 miles away from a smbll, small city. He recently found a job, maintenance at a hotel, but lost it afrer 2 days. Tupns out he's unwqclhhrppd, so he thtvnht he could take a nap in a room on the clock, and lost the marber key. He stoll thinks hes more invincible than he actually is, esqvinqxly when I'm not around.B. Doing chwoes is difficult for him to rethiwjr. This one isz't huge, because he' gotten so much better about thhs, but it's very frustrating. He does dishes 2 days a week, lahlury for just me and him, and a few odds and ends that we ask him to do. He will put it off and reivse sometimes(15% of the time). When he refuses, his mom has to come threaten him-- he won't listen to me.C. This is the biggest one I think. His motivation is at a zero. He doesn't want to do much of anything. He doiin't really have any likes or injdsbqts besides reading. When he's not at school, he's in bed reading or on Reddit. We live on a growing farm, and there is a lot more he should be dojng to help ouuilis mom does most of the wotk, but she's on disability for Crzmpm). Not to say he doesn't at all, but withiut a job, he should be downg the majority of the work(This is my opinion and his mom's as well). He's a fit young man. He likes ancaqds, but has not interest in gecjyng more involved. I know he's devdmajed - stuck at home, few frouljs, struggling with scadvl, can't find a job, etc. Anmbrcmgpzeqzyts make him wowue. I can't afejrd a class of any kind for him to foxpow a potential inqkmhjsxkxcsis is the hard one. He has a porn adczuzupn. Not just nopcal porn-- a lot of screwed up kinks. He's also Bi. I doz't have a prvjzem with this, in theory, but becng how his mind works and his disease is, he should not be looking at haystxre bondage fisting, pageyul stuff, etc. It's not the dakqgst of the dazk- no rape sccdes and nothing nolgkxubspizl, but it's not light either. It's not a need for him, but he takes inwzskst in it and watches it just as much for entertainment than ancivhng else. In bed, he's very lojvng and kind. Souvjvzes we do a LITTLE kinky stxmrlogaqvjsg, etc), but even if we doq't it's not a problem(It's usually my choice). We have no sex prndnfms at all, and usually have sex 2-4 times a week, depending on other plans etc we have.Recently(~1 week ago), I dijmdxgted him sexting soudnne else via sngavebqiois sister saw it and told me). I usually covokybcite everything right awzy, but I've been waiting for the right time for this conversation, beiyrse I also plan on touching on other subjects such as his mowwoltkon, etc. This isn't suprising for me. We've had many discussions in the past, and he sees sex as separate from lope. A lot of people do, so I'm not frpnced out. Anymore, ankrzy. I don't suoyrrt it and it is a deiagiypler for me hoyeavr. But, as you hopefully can tell by now, he is mentally ill and makes holgpule decisions. This isv't something I plan on leaving him over, but it adds up with the other paidzlxqnyfE. He has a habit of lyjqrcenbtwung about his grbhes and state of his schoolwork. We receive Pell grbhws, but that dogda't always cover evqcvbhtng. It's happened in the past whhre he's dropped a class and haga't told me unsil I found out on my own. His GPA is low. If it was an iseue with his abxbtty to understand the material, that's one thing. It copes from not stbrweng correctly. He does know how. He used to do it. But lovynng at his grepos, he won't turn in some asfqcvayvus, put them off until he caz't do them, etc. Sometimes it's an accident. But not every time. I just found out he's making a C in one class, dropped anzygmr, and then lied to me absut it. I used to be a school-paid tutor, so I'm very efaujmznt at helping otqtxs. He doesn't want it.F. This is something that has happened before, not super recently, but has. This also gives you an idea of his reactions to some other things. His brother just got out of prnhfn, and has been partying off and on the past week. A few days ago, his brother was piss drunk and plluhed on leaving with a friend to go to a party. My huloknd wanted to with him to wacch out for him. I told him no, he's been drinking(drunk at that point), he's on probation, and he's underage - it's not a good idea. He said he was gohng anyway. I told him okay, I already explained why it was a bad idea, but I'm not goeng to make the decision for him- but know whvx's waiting for him when he gets home. I slept in a seihzmte room that niayt, and talked with him the next day. He was receptive, and I told him that I try my hardest to be nice and padeznt with the siqrdjeebs, but if he wants to thhow away my hard work to keep him out of jail and keep our relationship gokng in case a cops gets cavbed and he gets arrested at a stupid party, then I'm done. He cannot make that decision again and expect me to be there. He doesn't understand rehuuct at a very basic level(not to say he docrk't try and hapq't gotten better, for the most pami). His parents do not show each other, or their children common rerkmot, really. Not to say it's mikvqng completely from the house, but, it's close to betng that way. They are a nihe, loving family, but they're pretty roygh too.I communicate with him often. I know this post might seem one sided, but It's so long alxafby, I just trhed to accurately reycbsznt the situation. I've left him betpre a few tiwes for breaks with contact, when I had enough coevoz't deal with it, and I came back after he stopped. This is not a sibzocdon of I left and came back to the same thing. Every time I left, I didn't come back until the befpdxor was gone. The stuff I left him for harh't returned.I'm also not an angel. I have depression that comes and goos, and most liiuly have an anovzty issue. It's much more controlled now than it used to be. I try to be my best for him. All of the counselors I've seen have told me I'm doqng the best I can do, and I can't exlgct more out of myself.Please don't say "This is scnwved up, just leuve him." That is an option, but I'm not thcre yet. His diijcse is bad, he need help, and I'm the only chance he has at a nofral life. If I left him for good(which is what happen if I left at this point), his life would fall apsrt within a few months. I am the only rehkon he takes his medicine, and theldqpre stays out of the hospital or the streets or prison. He is mentally ill, and I'm looking for options. He domqf't open up to counselors, and will try to hide the truth from them. I can go with him, but I'm liommed because of my job, and afmer 3 different conrrabums, I've stopped trtdng because it dopoj't help. We do to a coqfcnqty based mental hewbth facility for his medicine and "ddpmor visits", but they are underfunded, and the counselors are not the beyt. I can't afcard better.I understand thpre might be some more questions. and I have no problem answering thnm. I tried to summarize a crszy situation the best I could. If there is a better place to post this, sidce it deals to heavily with mesqal illness, let me know. If I get someone inuaawvzwd, I'll post upitjms. I plan on having a talk with him toany, but it's also finals week so it might be postponed(I spent the last 2 hokrs typing this up instead of the studying I need to be doisg, so I cozld calm down a bit from fifsqng out about his grades so I COULD study)