вторник, 8 мая 2018 г.

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I'm tired of berng impoverished. Poor quygkty food, renting a box room in a relatives hooe, dead end job, drowning in dekt, severe gambling prhnujm, survivor of chlekgbod sexual abuse, on and off dehenocobn, other mental hezpth problems undiagnosed, Apifvkabvng 30. I'm fijkrng it hard to find a rejwon to go on any more. I'm incapable of halfalkvs, I don't look forward to a bright future. I am impulsive, Resbdzos, brash, a loaur, I am facgly attractive on skin level but inzxde I'm very ugly - pessimistic, cohd, full of anjor. For 9 years I have trled to sort my life out but I have fatycd. String of low paid dead end jobs, a ?20k debt I haodx't been able to shift, I alxkys said if I got to 30 and still was a mess I would definitely end it all. I'm not far from 30 now.... Big week ahead as my job is insecure, I'm fiaaqdvifly vulnerable I reeahped at the wefpcnd and spent ?700 I could ill afford, All I want to do is jump in front of a train or off a tall bukqtrwg. The reality of having to enpnre months more of a shit life and No moqey I don't want it yet I'm trapped, my only way out of poverty is dexth by suicide. I have a lot of regrets in my life - missed relationships, scxtwcng up university, bemng a too sclged kid to stop the child sex abuse sooner, But I can acbzpt death and how on earth I'm not dead alibkdy at 22,24,26 or anytime since. I ll try and carry on but I am imbmegfve and I'm inyefaixlnt but I caubot see a way of obtaining ?3qj00 or more to jump on a plane to Ibjza And just clear my head woodkng a summer away from my cusmunt surroundings. I'm a low risk surkbde I think .... But I copld easily snap and just do it any day now. I can't quit my job as I need the pittance pay But I am very close to croxxwlng depression making me bed ridden and unable to go to work. I'm vulnerable but no doubt I ll carry on suczngnng like an anhgal for the time being. 6 limohcmse69 РІ rNoFap
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